Everybody's done it and if you haven't, its damn well gonna happen,(Unless you take up more then one seat, in which case you'll get your fat ass escorted to the door) which is why I decided this would be a great topic, The Airport Situation.
So here you are, fresh out of your radioactive shit hole you call a town and your out to see the world, escape from the stress and anxiety of your job, and just simply get away, but, this being the land of opportunity, there's always a couple people looking for the "Opportunity" to fuck with you just a little more and remind you your only three hours from home. Why do they do it. I have a theory.
Think about this, your an airport attendant, you work in a fast paced, high stressed environment, everybody is rushing, everybody wants to get away. Most are the "Get A-ways." The employees biggest issue. You've seen these people. Outdated Hawaiian button-up t-shirts, tight khaki above the knee shorts, sandal's with socks, spray on tan and a large ghost white wife, almost matching. Now, think of these people lives. They might have kids, but they are already gone, they both have two horribly paying jobs and maybe just scrapped enough cash together to enjoy themselves. One thing about them. They are mad as fuck. They are already stressed about money and eager to get away, and whats the only thing between them and freedom, the airport. So my point is, maybe the reason for assholes at the airport, is the eagerness to get away, and the assholes piss of the employees who have to take it out on everybody else (Over priced drinks, unnecessary searches, and the all famous, cavity search.)
We covered the aggressive part of the airport, now how about the always occurring layover. When you realize your trapped in Denver airport for three hours you damn well better find something interesting to do. Luckily, I have a couple suggestions. The first thing you wanna do before you explore is evaluate your situation and ask yourself a few simple questions "Have I ate today?" "When did I last take a shit?" "How much time do I have?". You ask yourself these three questions and follow and obey your answer, and you'll be fine. Once you do that, the airport is your oyster and your as bored as a midget in a theme park. Your first option and my favorite is to meet new people. Now this a lot more trickier then it sounds, so to avoid the hassle, go to a smoking station. Here, everybody has answered the"How much time do I have?" question because smoking stations are always conveniently located three miles away from your gate, so bring water. The smoking stations are a great way to meet people (Child molesters, rapists, kidnappers, and the creepy old men who don't stop staring).
If your not the smoking type, you can always waltz your way on over to a gift shop. Gift shops are always a lot of fun to browse, but if your not Bill Gates, good luck walking out of one with anything more then a hustler and a pack of gum.
If looking at twenty dollar key chains isn't fun, try scaring the shit out of people. Its a lot more risky but only for the hardcore. The first thing you wanna do if your the hardcore traveler, is always travel wearing a black business suit, black sun glasses, and always walk around on your cellphone. Follow any person who looks to be from the middle east and mumble loudly but not to coherently and have a conversation with yourself expressing the words "Target;following;bomb;terrorist;execute;roger that;. I can guarantee you that dirty rag head won't be bombing anymore buildings, because everybody knows their all guilty.
I hope this helps you on your next endeavor!
-Dakota Wilson
